Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
