Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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