Duck Duck Cougar?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
