I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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