i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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