he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
