I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
