mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
