i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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