Having a random hookup so left but love u
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
