either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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