I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
