That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
