we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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