I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
