I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
