I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
