just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
