He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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