I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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