Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
