This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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