i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
