When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
