ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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