where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
