Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
