; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize