if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
