Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
