Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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