Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
