I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
