Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
