Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
