the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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