Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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