At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Im part way to drunk.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
