so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
