Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
