Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
