the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My ass is underappreciated
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
