glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
