So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
