remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
