I am puke
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize