dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
