If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize