Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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