Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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