nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
