I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
God, I missed his penis.
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