life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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