Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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