I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
