I must be too annoying 4 u.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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