it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
