i just wanna soil my oats bro
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
