Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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