Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
