I can tuck mytits in my pants
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
