I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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