yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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