Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
