Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
