The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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