I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
