PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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